When your heart's heavy

NEW LJ

Wed, 19 Dec 2007 21:52:21 GMT

newsunshines

Add me. :]

Oh What a Night

Fri, 07 Dec 2007 21:37:41 GMT

Just got home. Changed out of my [cute!] outfit afterschool and headed to the track. It was covered with snow. So I was like, no how am I gonna walk? So I picked up my purse, books, and bag with a change of clothes and walked from the school all the way to the Atkinson Fire Department. Up all those stupid hills. I am so proud of me. :]
I'm going to take a nap in about two seconds and then going to Thai to celebrate winning the HOBY Leadership Award. Then we're going to the Comedy Show at 7:30. PLUG: GOOOOOO!!!!! It's at the PAC. Billy's coming back to perform and Joey Carroll will be there.
Then I'm coming home and getting sleeeepppp. And hopefully a humidifier. And tomorrow I'm hanging out with Deanna and we're going to New Horizons, which is a soup kitchen in Manchester. Then we're going over Evan's house. :D
Sunday is going to be just busy, busy, busy. It starts off with a YMC meeting at 7:30, goes on to other things and the Holiday Show (PLUG) at 4, and then homework. Ew.
I have a feeling my mom's going to bitch about having to drive me around this weekend. All weekend. Oh well, license in less than a year! :DDD

Make your days delightful. <3

Happy Days

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 22:05:28 GMT

I just can't seem to shake that mood. You know, the happy bouncy jumpy one? It's a crazy good feeling.
I got like zippo sleep this week, so I'm sooooo tired but I have ALL this energy! Hahah.
GSA was fun today. We talked about life and made jokes. I'm excited to be hanging out with Evan and Deanna Saturday!!!
Not much to write about and I'm superbly busy at the moment with homework, chores, and catch up to play.

Love. <3

Soul, Rhythm, and Blues

Mon, 03 Dec 2007 23:32:32 GMT

Today was a jazzy day. I slept in late (12 hours total!) then called Evan. He officially said he liked me. :D
I'm really excited.
Oh, so Ella Fitz is definitely my hero. I mean, I don't know if you know who she is but she is and was the most FANTASTIC jazz singer on the face of this planet. She sang at the Moulin Rouge more than Edith Piaf and Edith was French! If you haven't heard her you need to hear this scat:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbL9vr4Q2LU
I love Ella. I aspire to be as good as she is someday. I don't think the chances of that are as spectacular as my day was, but one can still dream?

Keep singing and doing what you love. <3

Seasons of Love

Sun, 02 Dec 2007 20:48:44 GMT

So it seems like I got mine just in time. Seems like everyone else has gotten their special someone lately and I think I found mine! Evan and I hung out yesterday. It was super cute. He brought his dog over and his and mine were playing around. And we watched a movie and snuggled up on my couch. I swear, it was the cutest thing. And he met my parents and they gave him the temporary stamp of approval but only because they've been wrong about guys before. :D
I'm really excited! He's so nice and he's super adorable. I'm supposed to go to his house next weekend which is taking me out of my comfort zone but I'm excited. :D
Semi was fun. I took tickets, told everyone they looked amazing, and told them all to have fun. I took coats for a little while after that. I served a few drinks, grabbed myself a brownie, picked up some trash, and hit the dance floor. I danced with a few of my friends. I awkwardly slow danced with my friend Dan. It was really weird and his friends like, forced us to even though I probably should've been working.
Clean up was fun too. I was just having a ball all night singing to people and picking them out to have them sing with me. They loved it. I love when I make people smile and laugh. I think that's a purpose in my life.
Mr. Leary's really excited I'm running for student representative on the school board. He's been telling everyone and introducing me. And Mrs. Trisdale said she was very impressed with my HOBY application, since she's on the committee. I'm really excited that my teachers like me, I think that's cool.
I've been super happy lately. Normally winter makes me sluggish, hungry, and bored but this winter's been pretty brilliant so far. I hope it keeps up.

Peace on Earth. <3

Heartbreaker-- I'm Addicted to You

Sat, 01 Dec 2007 18:22:29 GMT

I'm kind of nauseous. That's probably from eating like, zippo food today. I'm really nervous. I feel kind of stupid thinking about going out with somebody knowing that it's not gonna last very long. All this worry, just to get my heart broken again? Seems like a silly idea.
He hasn't called me yet. He was supposed to call half an hour ago. asdklfkskldhgkvklwrioa. That's my worry, trying to get out right thurr. :] Didn't work out so hot, did it? :D
Oh well. I'mma be myself and not pretend like I'm something super special that I'm not. That way I'll know for sure if he likes me.

Luck! <3

Party Like a Rockstar

Sat, 01 Dec 2007 03:47:12 GMT

So tonight was Jarret's party. Whoop dee doo. His mom sent the invitations and it was a "surprise" but he knew about the whole thing. Funny thing is, he wrote my name down. And he hugged me when he left. Super weird.
The party was a bust for me. I mean, all the popular kids who'd rather be at a keg party were there. Sure, I could've tried harder to fit in but really, none of the people there actually KNOW me. I wouldn't sing in front of them and that's like, the ultimate. I basically ended up talking to Jarret's older sister Corey and on the phone with Evan. I almost left to go hang out with him but whatevs.
I'm not sure what to do about tomorrow. I thought we were going to the movies but he wants to like, hang out at his house. I kind of feel awkward about that because I don't know him too well and we've never hung out before and I don't know if his parents will be home and ugh. He just seems like this great guy online and on the phone but can he own up to it in realy life? He was like, we could use my hot tub. Alrighttt... then what? Watch a movie? I don't know where the hell this kid lives. I guess his friend is coming over? He said to bring one of my friends but no one's available! I don't want to fuck up plans but I can't bring a friend and I'm not sure I want to go to his house. I'm so confused. :[ I've never been on a REAL date. I'm sad. I want this to work out. What to do?
I might be honest for once and just tell him all this. Plan? I'll try it.

Night folks. <3

I Will Try to Fix You

Fri, 30 Nov 2007 20:32:27 GMT

I am so privileged to be in Select, because that's what it is, a privilege. And I'm so fed up with the people who act like it's a God-given right! I worked my butt off last year to be good enough to make. I was even sick during my tryouts. And now I'm working my butt off even harder to prove I'm worthy of being in such a group. Our concert's less than 2 weeks away. I've memorized all my music except for 1 or 2 parts we didn't go over. That's IT.
I even took the initiative to bring home Magnum every day to practice with it and sightread. Whenever I get frustrated by people saying, "I don't know this!" I just try to remind myself that I only know it because I practiced it at home. No one else has spent as much time with it. I also have a weirdly incredible memory that I use to memorize music after hearing it once or twice with words. And language classes and diction have helped me with prounouncing words in foreign languages. So I guess I have heads up in this. But it just gets so OLD. You know those times when you try SO HARD to be good and no one else is putting in the effort? That's how I feel. I WANT Schindler's List to be amazing. I WANT Jersey Boys to sound kickin'. I WANT Magnum to sound mysteriously beautiful. I want it all to work, but I don't feel I've been given a lot to work with.
Maybe it'll take my mind off it if I join Concert Choir and Select next year, so I have more music to memorize and less time to focus on other peoples' lack of memorization.
BREATHE.
Well, The Boy asked me to the movies tonight. Unfortunately, I can't go since I'm going to my friend's 16th birthday party. But hopefully tomorrow! :DDDD
A+G= YAY! I'm so excited for them! YAHOO!

Love those around you and focus on that love. <3

Hey There Sunshine, and How was Your Day?

Thu, 29 Nov 2007 22:00:52 GMT

Lately, I've been like wicked, super, freaky happy. Always in that winky-laugh-at-yourself-smiling mood. And it's crazy great but crazy awkward.
Two of my friends are going out now and two of my other friends are about to find their guys. :D It's so exciting! I mean, seriously! I was all, "SEASONS OF LOVEEEEEEEE." It's amazing. I'm awed.
I think I might write a poem about it, I could use a few more happy poems. The only bad thing about today was Amber being a (obscenity censored) and told the bus driver to stop at the end of the road, causing me to walk half a mile home in my uncomfortable flats. Glad that's over.
Off to get some food to munch on and write my inspirational poems about seasons of love and change.

HOPES, DREAMS, LIFE.

Most Embarrasing Moment

Thu, 29 Nov 2007 01:59:06 GMT

Boy do I love writing in my LJ. :D
Well, I'm not one to be easily embarassed (seriously) but this one would make ANY girl turn five different shades of red:
It was summer. Beautiful, sunny. A day when you don't really wanna wear clothes. Well, I was wearing my underwear and a light sweater (so my wet hair wouldn't soak my shirt.) The doorbell rings and I figure, 'UPS guy must be dropping something off. I'll just grab it while he's pulling out.' So I run upstairs and throw open the door... to find my ex-boyfriend (who I was still on good terms with.) So I was home alone, unbeknownst to anyone that he was coming over to paint the fence today. So I'm standing there in my underwear like, "Hey! Um... come in, I'll, uh, I'll be right back, ok?" As I race downstairs to pull on a pair of shorts. I walked back upstairs, trying to keep my cool, and he's like, grinning and was like, "What's wrong?" And I was like, "You know. The usual. Forgot to put on pants." We had a good laugh. :D

Whenever One Door Closes

Thu, 29 Nov 2007 01:29:47 GMT

another one opens. Life's always like that, huh? Kinda makes me sad. I mean, you have all these good times and CLACK. The door shuts. Only memories and the good times are over with those people. And it's like getting older is meant to be and it's bound to happen and eventually people grow apart but it's not something I want to do.
I love everyone. Friends, family, strangers. I don't want them to leave. What'll it be like? Another year, new people, new faces, new acquaintances. But none to replace the souls I've lost.
So many people have influenced me and affected me and I doubt half of them know it. I wish people didn't have to grow apart.

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. <3

O Night of Not-so-much Divinity

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 22:27:09 GMT

I've been meaning to keep up with my real journal and gratitude journal for quite some time now but I just get so busy it seems like it's not really happening. But here we are:
1) Still sick, but getting better
2) Learning carols in Select and the harmonies are pretty easy
3) Vegetarian-friendly dinner tonight.
4) Boy likes me! :DDD

Comment on whichever one you'd like but I get the feeling I know which one you'll pick. ;D
Well, off to do my homework that'll keep me up til midnight and, if not that, my stuffy nose that's not letting air through any of its wonderful nasal passages.

Joy to the world. <3

Novacaine...

Tue, 27 Nov 2007 23:41:02 GMT

is the most fun you could possibly have. I keep spitting water at people. :D

You Know What?

Tue, 27 Nov 2007 21:05:35 GMT

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

I love that. I like to think that life's always that way. No matter who you are and how old you are, you can still act like a five year old and get away with it.
I mean, seriously. Being sick is poo. I spent my day sleeping, making crappy brownies, and getting nothing done. I wanted to write my application for an award and scholarship essays but noooo... I wasn't very motivated today. I almost fell asleep while making brownies. My face was like THIS close to falling flat on the stove when I was melting the butter and WRONG KIND OF CHOCOLATE. Bah.

Well, here's to the child-like hearts in all of us. :P

P.S. :F F FACE!!! :DDD

I'll Look After You

Tue, 27 Nov 2007 13:21:51 GMT

I'm home sick today. Woooo. Not really. I woke up and still had my sore throat. But this time it was accompanied by wracking coughs, a headache, earache, and stiff joints. Way to have fun! Ha. Well, extra strength Tylenol really does work (for the headache and joints) and so does oral antiseptic (for my throat). Still not sure what to do about the earache and I can't find cough syrup. Oh well.
I plan on using today to catch up on life and rest. I mean, I can write my essays and poems and stuff and take a nap whenever I want! Plus, all the chores will get done, which my parents will be happy about.
I've been doing the SAT Question of the Day thing on Collegeboard.com and I keep getting the answers right! I'm so pumped for SATs next year. Can't wait for PSAT scores coming out next month!
You know what? I write a lot. And often times it's really random. So if you don't feel like reading the entire entry, feel free to skip around. I enjoy reading everyone else's though. It helps me to connect with them, I think.
Well, I'm off to brush my teeth and take a nap. Definitely not feelin' so hot.

May your days be merry and bright. <3

Don't Give Up

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 21:10:03 GMT

So before 8:30 today I had already made someone's day. It's Mike Short's 18th birthday and even though I'm not really good friends with him, I made him a collage for his birthday anyway. It was more of a mini scrapbook. But it was bangin'. :D
I find this mildly humorous: every time I go to type a :D face, I type :F instead. THE DREADED F FACE! HAhahahah. I don't even know.
My legs have finally stopped hurting from running at the auction. I kind of massaged them during French. :]
I'd like to send my apologies to everyone about complaining about being in B choir at Allstate. I'm definitely glad I made it. It's been my dream. I was just a little disappointed. Sorry if there were any hurt feelings.
So far 32 people have joined my event on Facebook. I called it "The Truth" because it's a day to tell people the truth about how much you care about them. Join in the fun! Send emails, letters, cards, honesty box messages, whatever! Just let people know you care.
I'm going to send each of my teacher's an email, starting in a few minutes, just to say thanks for all their hard work and for teaching me. Past and present teachers. They really do deserve it. And Mr. Kiley got the biggest kick out of me wishing him and his family a truly happy Thanksgiving. It was wonderful.
I'm thinking of taking the reigns on recycling and the bulb project, mainly because I feel we're not accomplishing anything. I think with my knowledge of creating a recycling program, getting plastic recycling should be a breeze. And as far as Bulbs in a Bag goes, I gave the contact information to Tara but I plan on getting it back and calling up Concord. Getting what you want is merely using your persuasive skills and flattering people. Hopefully Bulbs in a Bag will be done by spring.
Oh, in case you were wondering I have a Type A personality. My Meyers-Briggs personality is an ENFJ. If you look up what it is, it fits me to a T. Test yourself here: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm
Let me know what you got!
Well, here's to the fact that my HPV shot's over! YAHOO!

Spread the love. <3

Black, White, and All That Grey

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 19:17:50 GMT

So I'm not sure how I feel about today. Yesterday was fun. Just kind of chillaxed at Nana's. Took it easy.
I ended up falling asleep and bawling my eyes out listening to Josh Groban. Something about the song You Are Loved (Don't Give Up) that just gets me going. I guess cause I can relate? Well, anyway, the line for my lj is from that.
Today my throat hurts from singing, crying (last night), and yelling/having a good time at church. I decided I like a few boys. And where's the harm in some fun, shameless flirting? :D It's what keeps me going. Ha.
I'm painting my nails at the moment but I spilled half the f***ing bottle on my speakers. F*** that. Whatever.
I decided to get zebra curtains. I mean, my room is freakin' turquoise blue and I'm throwing in a hot pink chair. Why not add some zebra curtains and a bedspread? HAWWTTTT. Ha.
Anyway, I don't know if I'm going over Deanna's or if she's coming over here yet. It's debatable (between our parents.) She's borrowing my yellow dress thing and I'm borrowing a white shirt and black pants. Pray to God they fit.
We made snowflakes in church school with "challenges" on them. Mine were: Love those even if they won't love you back. See a smile, pass it on. And, tell someone you love them every day.
I'm thinking of creating an event on Facebook called "Live as if it were your last day on Earth day." Just because I think it'd be decent thing to do. I mean, I try. I try to let people know I love them and care about them. Obviously I'm not gonna go up to some kid, NAMELESS!, and be like, "I like you. I think you're hot. Wanna get together?" NO. NOT EVEN. But like, "Hey. I think you're awesome and I just wanted you to know that because you never know where we'll be now, this minute, 5 minutes from now, or 5 years from now." Life's too short not to sing praises.

I'm thankful for a full life with love, laughter, and liberty. May nothing break us down. <3

Official Allstater Ladies and Gents

Mon, 19 Nov 2007 21:09:32 GMT

I'm so freaking excited! This is like, my dream come true. Really. I've always wanted to make Allstate and TADAH! What luck!
I'm pissed that I made B though. I was SO sure what with my auditions and last year's placing that I'd make A this year, instead B. That's B choir with a bunch of girls, no boys. :[ And for all my hard work! People who don't even try get in just because they're older (althought NOT ALWAYS the case. Some people try and are just phenomenal) but it's so disappointing.
Oh well, I'm sure there are PLENTY more singing opportunities up and coming. Can't wait

Tata and may all your wishes come true like mine did! <3

Good and Bad and Everything in Between

Sat, 17 Nov 2007 22:06:43 GMT

So my auditions last night went AMAZINGLY well. As in, better than I could've ever hoped for. I was really nervous at first but as soon as I started Sebben it was like, "Goodbye nerves, hello love of my life [singing.]" It just felt amazing. And my melodic sightreading was perfect the first time throught, that NEVER happens! So I was pumped. But I fudged my rhythmic which I also NEVER do. I practiced it right but then when I performed it, all hell broke loose and I tripped over my numbers. Lowest on that, 7.5 I think.
Andrew, Sean, Allison, and the gang are going to districts auditions today, so I'm psyched for news about their tryouts. I saw kids from SYMS last night! I talked to Brett for a bit and John, and I gave Glenn a hug! And I saw Chris and my roommate Karen and it was like WOWEE! My favorite thing to do [singing] and my favorite people in the world [the other musicians.] It was so great. And Adam thought I was cute and wanted to dance with me at SYMS. That made me smile. Because I thought he was cute too. :]

HAHAHA. That's another story, that sequence right there.

I'm reading The Big Book of Majors this weekend, in hopes of finding something interesting to me. I'm also watching In the Land of Women and eating vegetarian lasagna. I really want to sing for the rest of my life, I really do. It's something I love and am good at. And last night it was like, this is where I BELOND. There's no place I'd rather be than around a bunch of other musicians, pouring our hearts out in music. It's just such an incredible feeling.
I've been feeling like a loner lately. (BAD.) I don't get to hang out with my friends anymore, but I've been volunteering in groups, so it's fun to hang out with those people. Court and Rach were supposed to come over today but Court slept over Meghan's last night and neither of them ever called me back.
I need to sleep. I fell asleep during the Sugar Plum Fair today. Oh well.
I'm going to upload more music to my ipod, eat dinner, watch a movie, and research now. Oh, maybe laundry and homework, but really, who gives? Ha :]

Later gators. <3

All I Wanna Do

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 20:54:23 GMT

is make a difference in someone's life.

(Oh, and eat peanut butter.) :D

Bits and Pieces

Tue, 13 Nov 2007 00:11:45 GMT

Bits and pieces,
Bit and pieces.
People, people important to you, people unimportant to you, cross your life, touch it with love and carelessness and move on. There are people who leave you and you breathe a sign of relief and wonder why you ever came into contact with them. There are people who leave you and you breathe a sigh of remorse and wonder why they had to go aawy and leave such a gaping hole. Children leave parents; friends leave friends. Acquaintances move on, people change houses. People grow apart. Enemies hate and move on. Friends love and move on. You think on the many who have moved into your hazy memory. You look on those present and wonder.
I believe in a master plan in lives moving people in and out of each other's lives, and each leaves a mark on the other. You find you are made up of bits and pieces of all who have ever touched your life, and you are more because of it, and you would be less if they had not touched you.
Hope that you accept the bits and pieces in humility and wonder, and never question, and never regret.
Bits and pieces,
Bits and pieces.
-Lois Cheney

I hope I touched your life because I think we're growing apart. <3

I Got...

Sun, 11 Nov 2007 23:29:25 GMT

No, not rhythm this time. And not blues! I got ice cream! :]
Coffee kahlua brownie. My favorite.
And I found tons of scholarships (ok, 30) to apply for. Mostly writing essays. So woo. More work, but worth it, I think.

I've Got Rhythm

Sun, 11 Nov 2007 19:05:52 GMT

I think...
I don't know. I've been kind of down lately and feeling like shit. I'm pretty sure I'm sick. I'm always tired and I have a sore throat. This is NOT good for Allstate auditions Friday. You'd think having Monday off would be a relief. Well, it is, but not so much. I still have tons of homework since it's a three-day weekend and so much on my plate. Maybe too much? But I alway feel like it's not enough.
Maybe I just need to take a sick day. But then I'd have to make up for so much. Ick. I've been doing pretty well, trying not to stress out too much and going to bed early. But I'm not sure that's enough. And next year I'll have twice as much on my plate. I think I'm biting off more than I can swallow. Cliche. :]
Off to my busy day and equally busy tomorrow!

Enjoy life. I try.

(P.S. I feel like I'm about to be sick.) :/

I'm Hungry

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 22:58:30 GMT

And all I want to eat is chocolate brownies and thai food.
And I already feel like a pig for eating the leftover brownie that I was purposely intending not to eat. :[

Pour Your Tears into a River of Sorrow

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 01:24:23 GMT

I miss seeing my daddy. I guess you don't really appreciate what you have til you don't really have it anymore. :[